Day one

I had arrived in London after an eight hour ordeal that was fought between me, my internal organs, and the seat belt sign that disallowed me the right to a washroom. 

'Sir you have to sit down'

'I'm sorry mam, but I really need to go to the washroom'

'And I'm sorry love but when the seat belt sign is on I cannot let anyone who is not already in the washroom go in'

'Can't you just pretend that I was already in there?'

'Can't you just pretend that you don't have to go?'

End of story.  

I spent about half my trip in the washroom.  Somewhere over Greenland I fell asleep in the washroom, and it must have been for a while because when I woke up not only were we over Ireland, but once I got back to my seat an attendent came over to me and asked me if I needed medical attention. 

I landed in London completely bewildered, It was noonday, 4 am for me, and I was falling asleep standing up.

Customs:

'Hi there,' I said as cheerfully as possible

'...passport please,' she snapped

I gave her my passport

'Your return ticket please,' she said please in a way that made it sound offensive

'Um, sorry what?'

'Your return ticket,' 

'Uh... I don't have it'

'You don't have a return ticket?' she was pissed

'No I do, I leave on july 18th'

'...and you have a copy of this?' 

'Well no...'

'Then how am I supposed to know you have a ticket?'  no she was really pissed.

'Well... um... I'm not su- '

' - do you have a recent bank statement?' she snapped

'a what? 

'A recent bank sta -'

'No'

'How much money do you have?' 

'About 4000' (complete lie)

'4000 what?'

'Dollars,' I was sweating

'Where are you staying tonight?'

'Holland Park youth hostel,' - point for me. 

'Do you have your reservation?' - point lost. 

'No, but I do have a reservation?' she wasn't even listening to me

'Ok love listen to me clearly, if I went to Canada and walked into customs without any of these things, what do you think would happen to me?

'Uh... well... I 'm not sure...'

'They wouldn't let me into the country'

'Uh...' 

'So do you know what should happen to you?'

'uh...'

'I shouldn't let you into the country,'

'uh...'

'Were going to be watching you?'

'Oka -'

STAMP!!

I was off.

I couldn't believe what had just happened.

I was scared.

I got my bag, caught the tube, got to the hostel and passed out.